


This Thing We Have

by bzarcher



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin has PTSD, Bisexual Anakin Skywalker, Cuddling & Snuggling, Demisexual Rex, Emotional Connection, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Insomnia, Intimacy, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mentions of Padmé - Freeform, Multi, TFW you realize you've been dating someone for two years, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26785483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bzarcher/pseuds/bzarcher
Summary: It all started with Anakin being too exhausted to stay awake, but too on edge and guarded to sleep.Rex had seen it before, and he knew how to help his General.Then it just...kept happening. But Anakin doesn't know what to do about it.
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, CT-7567 | Rex/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & CT-7567 | Rex, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 11
Kudos: 234





	This Thing We Have

Anakin stared at the ceiling of his cabin aboard the _Resolute_ , trying desperately to figure out what to do. 

_Come on, Anakin. You’re the Chosen One. You’re a Jedi. You’re a General. You’re the Walker of the Sky, the Slave Who Makes Free._

_You can figure out what to do about...this…_

As if in response to that thought, Rex turned over with a soft grunt, nestling closer until his forehead just brushed Anakin’s cheek, and settled back into a deeper sleep. 

Despite his racing thoughts, Anakin turned enough to press a kiss to the top of his Captain’s head. 

What was he going to tell Padmé?

When had this even started?

Saleucami?

No. Before that. Before Ahsoka had arrived.

They’d been on a frigid little ice ball of a moon somewhere between Muulinist and Dantooine, exhausted and nearly frozen solid after a week of non-stop fighting. 

Even with caf, stims, the Force, and the adrenal boosters the clones carried in their E-kits, there was only so much abuse a body could take.

After Torrent had located and “reduced” the Separatist command post, Anakin finally let his men convince him to go lie down, too exhausted to argue about needing to be present for the mop up. 

It had been too cold for him to get comfortable, even with his lined robes and a padded sleep sack, and Anakin had spent an hour or two looking at the icy cavern floor when Rex had come up, given him a wordless look of sympathy, and started to strip down to his blacks. 

Anakin had been too surprised to say anything when Rex had wiggled carefully into the sack with him, and his initial shock quickly faded to unexpected relief when the clone put his arms around him and began to murmur quietly into his ear. 

“It’s ok. We took care of them. There’s no one here you need to worry about. Just rest. You earned it.”

He repeated the words over again in the same comforting tone a few more times as Anakin gradually relaxed, and after the third or fourth time he finally turned into the embrace and let himself go limp as sleep finally crept up over him. 

The sound of repulsors woke him up the following afternoon as their extraction arrived, but Rex was already gone, back in armor and coordinating their return to the rest of the 501st. 

He waited until enough of the _vode_ were occupied that they could pretend not to be overheard before he walked over to speak with him. 

“Thanks,” he murmured. 

Rex’s expression didn’t really change, but his body language and presence in the Force went from slightly nervous to sympathetic. “Seen it before, sir. Sometimes we just can’t turn it off without someone else’s help.”

Anakin let out a sigh as he nodded. Growing up in the Slave Quarter meant almost always sleeping with one eye open, and life as a Jedi hadn’t been all that different. 

About the only time he relaxed and slept soundly were the stolen nights with Padmé, and he’d missed that sense of peace and safety. 

Rex seemed to realize he’d lost focus, and gave a polite cough to draw his attention back to here and now. 

“Last LAAT should be here in five, General, and the medics are probably going to order you to get some more rest after you get checked out.”

“I’ll need to report in before I do anything else.”

Rex tilted his head in the way that clearly communicated _Bantha poodoo, Sir,_ before he grunted. “Understood. But don’t be surprised if Kix sticks you with a knockout dart while you’re on the holocomm.”

Anakin couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “I’ve had worse meetings with the council.”

“Yes sir, General. But still - if you need me to check in later…”

Anakin considered that, and then nodded. “Later. Yeah, that’s...not a bad idea. Thanks, Rex.”

Rex gave him a crisp nod and a salute, apparently considering the matter settled.

Kix _had_ darted him with a sedative once they got back to the ship, but he was nice enough to wait for the meeting with the council to be over before emerging from the shadows with his blowpipe. 

Anakin slept for the better part of two days before getting back to it, but he noticed Rex keeping a closer eye on him until they rotated off the front lines for some R&R. 

He’d crawled into bed to help his General ‘settle down and get some real sleep’ four more times before they finally made it back to Coruscant.

* * *

Anakin had tried to tell Padmé about it. He really had. But every time he tried to tell her about it like some kind of amusing anecdote, some nervous impulse made him change to another story from the more recent battles, or some of the ‘interesting’ moments from their downtime. 

She’d nearly laughed herself sick when he told her about the day Hardcase had managed to melt a hole in one of the aft bulkheads using the slop that the galley droids claimed was a traditional Bimm dessert. 

He loved his wife. He knew he should be able to tell her anything, but he couldn't tell her that he was sleeping with another man while he was away from her. Not without hurting her, he feared, and he couldn’t bear that. 

He was fairly certain Padmé knew something was bothering him, but she accepted the half-truth that he was still fairly exhausted from the fighting, and started to tell him about some of the funnier events he’d missed around the Senate dome. 

He loved listening to her speak, losing himself in the warm comfort of her voice. 

Anakin was so relaxed by her presence that he didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep until she gently roused him enough to move from the couch to her bed.

The 501st got a week and a half of downtime before they rotated back to assist with the battle at Hypori, and it wasn’t long before Anakin found himself laying in bed and looking at the ceiling, unable to sleep. 

It was too cold, he decided. Growing up on Tatooine meant he preferred a warmer environment, but turning up the thermostat in his quarters a few degrees didn’t do much. 

After the third restless night in a row, he reached for his comm. 

“Yes, General?”

“I think I could use your help again.”

“Be right there.”

True to his word, Rex arrived in moments, carefully taking off his armor and climbing into bed without another word. 

He didn’t really even need to say anything this time. Just having someone else in the bed was enough.

* * *

They kept that routine up through Christophsis, when Ahsoka’s arrival had thrown everything into a bit of chaos, and they’d silently decided not to draw attention to anything out of the ordinary while Anakin got used to life with a completely insane little snippy Padawan. 

That had lasted until they’d fought their way through Bothawui, and Anakin saw Rex’s eyes filled with the same haunted look that stared back at him when he looked into a mirror. 

“Captain,” he said just loud enough for Rex to hear without drawing attention. “I think I’d like to go over the after action reports with you once you’ve got the men settled down.”

Rex had blinked with surprise before nodding to him with a look of quiet relief. “Sounds good, Sir. I’ll check in with you around 2130.”

“Carry on, then. I need to see if anyone’s seen Artoo.”

He’d been the one to hold Rex that night and tell him that it was safe, that he would protect them, that he was _there_. 

They began “reviewing reports” every other night for the rest of that campaign, then into the next month, and the following year. 

If he wasn’t back on Coruscant with his wife, he was almost always with his Captain on any given night. 

He tried to offer his Padawan the same kind of comfort when he noticed her eyes growing dull or her focus drifting lightyears away, but she admitted she preferred to just bunk down with Domino squad or a few of the other troopers herself when she needed a break. 

Anakin couldn’t explain why he felt strangely relieved, but he did. It just...hadn’t felt right. 

Not like Rex. 

Not like Padmé.

In hindsight, he shouldn’t have been that surprised when he managed to wake up before Rex snuck out one morning and the other man gently kissed him goodbye, still thinking that Anakin was asleep. 

He spent a few days thinking about that kiss over and over, until he finally decided to ask Rex about why he’d done it the next time it happened.

He didn’t, though. He hadn’t asked for an explanation, or wondered what the other man had meant. 

He just kissed him back, and enjoyed the warmth and weight of Rex’s body against his as the kiss deepened. 

Because it felt right. 

It had been _intimate_ , but not really sexual, and Anakin was more than OK with that. The gentleness and connection was what he needed, and it seemed like the same was true for Rex. 

He couldn’t bring himself to feel conflicted, but he still didn’t know how to tell Padmé.

* * *

They’d kept it up after that, sometimes sleeping in his cabin, sometimes in Rex’s, each comforting the other as they needed, until Onderon.

Until the draining, ugly, vicious, clusterfuck of a quagmire at Onderon, which had cost them far too many good people, nearly cost the Republic control of the world, and nearly cost Anakin so many of the people he cared for. 

They hadn’t even discussed it after they finally reached the ship. They’d just made sure the men were taken care of, checked to ensure that Ahsoka was bedded down in her sleepsack in the Torrent barracks, and went back to Anakin’s cabin. 

They undressed completely in silence, neither man even bothering with fresh underwear before climbing into bed and entangling, holding each other close as they finally let a month of unshed tears fall. 

They’d finally settled with Rex nestled against him, using his flesh and blood hand to trace gentle little circles up and down the clone’s back, his prosthetic disconnected and the remnant limb resting just above Rex’s hips. 

He had to tell Padmé.

He had to tell _Rex_.

He had to tell Padmé about Rex. About this thing. About how he felt.

He realized with a shiver that he was going to have to _tell Rex about Padmé._

But how? And what happened once he had told them both? What happened if anyone else found out? 

If they’d throw him out of the Jedi for marrying a senator, he didn’t even want to think about what they’d do if the Council found out he’d not-exactly-seduced the commander of his Legion. 

_Can they court martial you for that? Are there regulations against unauthorized cuddling?_

He managed to stop himself from laughing out loud, not wanting to risk waking Rex up. 

A few minutes later he felt Rex stir again. 

“Sir.”

Anakin sighed. “You’re gonna give me a complex if you keep doing that.”

“Fine. General.”

 _“Rex.”_

He could feel the wry twist of Rex’s lips on his skin. 

“Anakin. Something’s still bothering you.”

“...yeah,” he finally admitted into the fuzz of Rex’s scalp.

“Then talk to me. Please.”

He reached out with the barest touch of the Force on the light pad to bring up just enough illumination to see, hoping they’d be able to get a little sleep afterwards. “Is it ok if we sit up for this?” 

Rex nodded, reluctantly scooting himself back to the other end of the bunk and changing to a sitting position that left his lower body still beneath the covers. It was really, _really_ distracting how beautiful he was, and Anakin had to stop for a moment and just try to figure out where _that_ thought had come from.

“OK,” he sighed as he pushed himself upright, shaking his head to clear it as he tried to focus. 

“I need to talk to you about...this. Thing. We’re doing.”

Rex raised an eyebrow, leaning back so his head could rest against the cabin bulkhead.

Anakin tried to slow his whirling thoughts into some kind of order, but it was like trying to catch a sandstorm with his bare hands. “I... _like_ this. I need you to know that before I say anything else. I do. Like this. Like you. Like us.”

Rex nodded slowly, clearly confused about where this was going. “Well, that’s good.”

“It is,” Anakin nodded. “Except for when it’s bad! Because you _are_ part of my chain of command, and more importantly because _Padmé.”_

“Senator Amidala.” 

Anakin took a deep breath before he tried to speak again. “Right. But she isn’t _just_ a senator. You see, uh. She’s...we’re...I’m…”

Rex seemed to realize he was floundering in his own words, and tossed him a rescue line. “She’s your wife.”

“Yes! She is! She’s my - _wait_. You knew already?”

Rex blinked at him in complete bafflement. “Well I’d hope so, sir. I went to speak with her to get permission before I started coming over at night.”

Anakin felt like he’d just been told that he was the victim of an elaborate prank, and the sky had been yellow all this time. 

“You. Spoke to her. Spoke to Padmé. To my wife. Padmé. For...permission.”

Rex nodded. “Seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Yeah...yeah, it probably was,” Anakin admitted. “And she...she was _ok?_ With this? With this thing?” 

Rex coughed suddenly, a blush rising on his cheeks. “I would say she was a bit more than _ok_ , General.” Looking very clearly at the fittings above and behind Anakin’s left shoulder, he bit his lip for a moment. “She...asked me to tell her. Stories. About you. About us. About how I felt. She was...highly engaged. Sir.”

“With me. And you. And us. Together. With her?”

“I do believe that was her objective for the end of the campaign,” Rex said carefully, “yes.”

Anakin swallowed as something that was either hope or a flock of mynocks started to flutter beneath his ribs. “And...how do _you_ feel about that objective, Captain?”

“I like your wife,” Rex admitted immediately. “She’s...passionate.”

“Yeah,” Anakin agreed with an affectionate sigh. “That she is.”

“I don’t know how I feel about her past being a friend,” Rex confessed, “but...I do like her that way. I think I would need to spend more time getting to know her.”

“Of course.”

“Neither of you are hard to look at, though.”

“Hah.”

“Not that I’m always interested in that sort of thing,” Rex admitted. “But I was looking respectfully. Sir.”

“...Rex, I don’t think you need to keep calling me Sir when you’re talking about…” Anakin trailed off, the words catching in his throat before he could let them escape, and it took an effort of will to gently let them free, one at a time. “About...our...relationship?”

“Habit,” Rex admitted. “Especially since you seemed to be having some trouble.” He tilted his head again, and his eyes glittered with amusement. “Did you not _know?”_

Anakin felt himself fumbling again, but it was combined with the sort of fierce joy he felt when he leapt out of a window, or took a fighter up to stall speed and cut thrust to allow physics to whip him around before he throttled back up. 

“I think part of me did, maybe, but I’m not sure I entirely understood what we were doing. I just sort of made it up as I went along.”

That made Rex chuckle again. “She warned me you might say that.”

Anakin reached up with his remnant arm and scratched it against the back of his head, his cheeks burning. “She knows me pretty well.”

“She said you’d say that, too.”

That made both of them laugh, and when the sound faded away Anakin felt as if he was floating a bit. “So how do you feel about...you and me?”

 _“Mar’e_ ,” Rex sighed. “I was wondering when you’d ask.” 

Anakin gave him an apologetic smile, but left him room to keep talking.

“We’re not _riduur_ ,” Rex finally said. “Not yet. But I think we could be, eventually. You...you need someone who can help you rest, sometimes. And so do I, frankly.”

Anakin nodded. “So we’re...exploring that.” 

Rex nodded again. “And...you make me happy, Ani’ka. Not just because you’re a good general, or because you’re absolutely _kriffing_ insane in battle, or because you care about all of us. Just...because you’re you. I like that. I like that a lot.”

Anakin crossed the bed to kiss him lightly, and it was a few minutes before either of them had an interest in continuing to talk. 

“I can’t believe Padmé didn’t just ask me what I was doing.”

“I expect she figured you’d get there eventually.”

Anakin grunted softly as he settled back onto the bed, flicking out a finger to drop the lights again. “I guess I did. Eventually. But still.” A thought occurred to him. “When _did_ you ask her about permission to...uh. Date me, I guess?”

Rex considered that, his eyes thoughtful in the dark. “I went to see her after Hypori, but I didn’t actually _ask_ until after we got back from Bothawui.”

“Hypori - _Bothawui_ \- she’s known for more than a  _year?_ _"_

“How is it,” Rex wondered in amusement as he settled back down against Anakin’s chest, “that I grew up in a nutrient tank, and I still seem to be better at communicating than both of you?”

Anakin shook his head in wonder before kissing Rex’s head again, arms wrapping tenderly around him. “I have no idea, but I’m grateful you understood.”

That got another amused snort, and a loving pat against his side. “I suppose I had to. You’re _both_ dangerous when you’re unsupervised, Ani.”

“...maybe we should go back to Sir.”

Rex shifted so he could wrap an arm around Anakin’s shoulder, and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.

“Not tonight.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work was very heavily influenced by Flamethrower, Mirandatam, Fiarelil, and pretty much all of the amazing writers out there who I have consciously or unconsciously begged, borrowed, or stolen ideas from. 
> 
> Thank you. <3


End file.
